“But why do we have to change anything?” Jack’s anxious tone resounded across the kitchen. “We’ve already got the perfect boy.”
Helen looked at him quietly. She understood how he felt but she knew in her heart that this was the right thing. She did not want Tom to be an only child. He was in danger of becoming hopelessly spoiled as it was.
“He’d love a little brother or sister, you know he would.”
Jack had to admit this was so. Tom had once or twice talked about it, and he knew also that his little mind was very family focused. Tom knew he was adopted, although at four years old his concept of adoption was somewhat vague. He accepted that that was the way of things and quite cheerfully told his friends, and any adults who were around, that he was adopted and did not come out of his mummy’s tummy like other children.
“Anyway” Helen cut into Jack’s thoughts, “Elspeth says she has to talk to you on your own and, if you agree, then we go through the process again, although it should be quicker this time. Because we never actually removed ourselves from the prospective adopters list, we’re pre-approved, as it were.”
“Okay, I’ll phone her and at least listen.”
Helen came over and put her arms around him. He looked down and kissed her on the nose. He could see that she was quietly determined but, as far as he was concerned, they would do nothing to upset Tom’s little world. Whatever happened, Tom’s happiness was the first priority.
--------------oo00oo----------------
“Are you nervous?” Elspeth looked over at Jack as she manoeuvred the small Citroen across the Kingston Bridge towards Glasgow’s northern suburbs.
“What?” Said Jack. “No, just deep in thought” He turned round and smiled at Helen in the back seat. She had not heard the exchange, and smiled back absently, her thoughts on the meeting ahead.
Jack had eventually got around to phoning Elspeth. When they met at her office he was still somewhat resistant. His reluctance somehow dissipated once he started trying to explain himself to Elspeth. He could see Helen’s point of view and his own views seemed somehow selfish when exposed to scrutiny. So here they were, four months on and on their way to meet Kate, the mother of a new-born baby boy.
“Well, how do you feel about meeting the birth mum?” Asked Elspeth.
Jack had to think about this before replying. “I’m not nervous, perhaps a little apprehensive. What about you, love?”
“I am a bit. I just hope she likes us. It’s a bit strange this ...”
Elspeth looked into the rear-view mirror to speak to Helen. “I know. It’s a new culture of openness now. But don’t worry, she likes you already which is why she picked you. It came down to you and that other couple, and I think the fact that you had Tom swung it in your favour. At least that’s what Harriet told me. She’ll be there with Kate, and you’ve got me to keep you company.”
Jack was glad Elspeth was with them. They both liked her and, as she was the social worker who had been with them through Tom’s adoption, they had gotten to know her pretty well.
Soon they pulled into the car park of a suburban lounge bar. There were few other cars and, as they made their way inside, it looked as if they were the only customers.
As they crossed the threshold from the bright afternoon daylight they hesitated and, as their eyes became adjusted to the gloom they saw a tall, middle aged woman approaching them.
“Elspeth, you found it then.” The woman turned to Jack and Helen. “Hello, I’m Harriet. I’m Kate’s social worker. She’s over there, and she’s dying to meet you both”
They followed Harriet to a table in a quiet corner of the lounge. A small fair haired woman, perhaps in her middle thirties, rose from her seat as they approached.
“Kate, this is Jack and Helen. And behind them is Elspeth.”
There followed a confusion of handshaking and hellos and nice to meet yous which started to sound slightly ludicrous. Kate and Helen simultaneously burst out laughing.
As they sat down Jack was pleased to see Helen taking a seat next to Kate. He could see that behind her smile Kate was nervous, and she looked exhausted. He remembered that it was now only a month since she had given birth. The baby had been in a foster home almost all of that time. Seeming to read his thoughts Helen asked, “How are you now, since ….”
“Och, I’m fine. It was okay.” She looked at Helen and for an instant Jack thought she was going to break down. She began to fumble with a paper handkerchief in her lap. When she looked up there was a determined set to her chin.
“I really wanted to meet you. I wanted to be sure.”
Jack and Helen had been given some basic information on Kate’s circumstances. They knew that the baby’s father was also the father of her three older children. They also knew that he was again absent from her life, as he had been until approximately a year ago. She seemed to Jack, despite her present circumstances, to have an inner strength. There was something about the way she held herself that would not allow pity.
“Let me go and order us some coffee.” Elspeth interjected.
As she left Harriet leaned across to Helen. “Did you bring any pictures with you?”
“Oh, yes. They’re in my bag.” Helen reached in to her handbag and brought out a sheaf of photographs in a Supasnaps envelope. She leafed through them and handed one to Kate. “This is his big brother.”
This took Jack by surprise but the natural way she said it, and the brief acknowledging smile from Kate, told him that it was the right thing.
Kate looked at the picture closely. It showed Tom on the beach at Santa Ponsa two months before. He was grinning cheesily at the camera and clasping a beach ball to himself. His dark hair was covered by a peaked cap with his name and a number on the scoop.
“He got lost once when he wandered away from the pool.” Helen explained. “So Jack wrote his name, and our mobile number, on the scoop of his cap.”
Kate smiled across at Jack. “You’re a careful dad.”
Kate reached into her own bag and took out a similar package of snaps of her older children. They were happy scenes from a caravan holiday in North Berwick.
“Doesn’t your middle one look a bit like Jack.” Said Helen.
“Oh, he does a bit, doesn’t he; around the nose.”
Poor bugger, Jack thought, if he’s got my nose.
The women seemed to have taken over and he was content to leave it to them.
At last the conversation began to stall. Kate became quiet and still and Harriet reached across to her and held her hand.
“Are you alright, love?” Harriet asked.
“Don’t worry about me, I’m fine”
Harriet and Elspeth briefly outlined the next steps. The papers were already being prepared for presentation to the courts, and the adoption would become official in about six months time. Up to and including the court hearing the process could be reversed if Kate changed her mind. Jack saw the worried look in Helen’s face. So did Kate. She looked directly at Helen.
“I’m not going to change my mind. I’m doing the right thing. I know that now.”
Jack wondered at the reserves of strength in this small woman. He would never know the desperation that had brought her to this situation.
“I’ll never turn him from my door.” She said.
The phrase seemed odd and out of place, but he knew what she meant. She wanted to give this boy a different life, a better life than she thought she could offer. She wanted to protect him and the only way she could do that was to give him up to strangers, but she would always be there. She would always be his mother.
They stood to go and moved towards the door. Outside the late afternoon was turning to dusk.
Jack stood opposite Kate and she held out her hand towards him. Jack instinctively put his arms around her in a hug. He wanted to tell her it would be all right. That, whatever happened to her, her son would be safe with them. He wanted to tell her all the reassuring things that she wanted to hear and he could not find the words.
“You did a great thing.” He said.
He let her go and Kate and Helen hugged in farewell. They turned away and walked towards Elspeth’s car. As they drove away they could see Kate’s small figure walking towards Harriet’s car.
Jack looked over at Helen. He took her hand in his.
“You’re right.” He said. “You’re always right.”
Someone, you won't believe this but I swear it's true - someone found my blog by doing a Google search for, and I quote - "west country poem about animals kneeling"! Now I'm a liberal kind of bloke. I believe that there is room on this planet for almost all the various shades of wierdo that you would be likely to meet but; what kind of a sick mind would dream up a poem about animals kneeling! And what kind of a sick mind would want to read it. So I did a quick Google search myself and, my God I can't believe what I saw! These people need help, and it's not confined just to the sheep shaggers of Aberdeen. By the way, does anyone know the full text of this poem, out of curiosity?
I have always liked Under Milk Wood by Dylan Thomas. His use of language is fantastic with alliteration overload and onomato-(check dictionary)-poeic streams of words conjuring up a psychedelic picture of an imaginary small town in Wales, long before psychedelia was conceived.
