This is the time of year when we all should resolve to do better so, not to let the opportunity pass by, here are my resolutions:-
- I will stop contemplating my navel and concentrate on other more attractive ones.
- I will pay more attention to the whereabouts of my glasses.
- I will walk away from people who look at my shoulder or close their eyes when talking to me.
- If someone does that interrogative inflection when they are actually making a statement to me I will kick them in the balls.
- I will drink less alcohol and more milk.
- I will blog at least twice per week.
- I will read more books.
- I will give up pocket billiards except during business meetings.
- I will stop saying ‘fuck’. No I fucking won’t.
- I will not engage in sadism, necrophilia or bestiality, because that would be like flogging a dead horse.
- I will be better organised for my Open University course.
- I will be nicer to people who are important to me.
- I will weigh 4 kgs. less by June.
- I will lower my golf handicap by 4 strokes.
- I will campaign tirelessly to eradicate unnecessary apostrophe’s.
- I will avoid cliches like the plague.
So I'm doing my bit. Are you doing yours?
5 comments:
I like you. Are you married?
I'm sorry, sir, I am married. Had you been a woman I may have welcomed your coquettish flirtation but as you are a 280 pound transvestite with halitosis, you can fuck off. To all those attractive young women our please do not let this put you off. I am always open to suggestion.
By jove Mr C, he was a rum sort, eh?
Anyway, most amusing resolutions. I resolve merely to live until the end of this calender year. After that it's anyones guess. Happy New Year.
Glad you are giving up on the horses as it leaves more for the rest of us! ;-)
Somebody somewhere is going to invent a neat little thingy that will respond whenever the owner shouts "Where are my bloody glasses?" Until then I suppose I'll keep wandering down to the pub with some reading material but forget said glasses and thus I'll have to focus on drinking and not studying - we live in a sad world.
Not doing very well are you?
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